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Author Archives: Janet Boxx

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About Janet Boxx

My name is Janet Boxx. I earned a Bachelor's of Science degree from Northwest Missouri State University before working at Mark Twain Bank and then Sprint. Following the birth of my fourth child, I left the business world to focus my attention on raising my family. In my lifetime, I've been inducted into two communities no one wishes to gain membership in; the special needs community and the bereaved parents society. I'm a wife, a mother and a follower of Jesus Christ. Like many of you, my life has not been a walk in the park. It's been challenging in a number of ways and has caused me to examine my beliefs, almost everything I thought I knew about God, with what His word actually says about Him. I'm comfortable with my struggle, but well, I'm afraid that other believers may not be comfortable with my confrontational approach as I question and search for understanding. I am in desperate need of real answers, real truth, and am a big believer in authenticity. Therefore, I'm not known to "drink the kool-aid" so to speak. I hate platitudes and simplistic answers to complicated issues. I believe the Bible is the inspired, infallible word of God, and that every word is "profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness" just as 2 Timothy 3:16 proclaims. Heaven knows I don't always get it right, and at times I concede that I cannot find an answer, and choose to trust that the Holy Spirit will reveal it in time or that He will enable me to find peace in spite of my questions. As a result, I'm open to others questioning my conclusions, I just ask that they aren't worded as an attack but instead by pointing me to another scripture and asking me to consider it in light of the conclusions I've drawn. A little background may help you understand my blog posts, so here is my life in a nutshell. I married my husband, David, in 1987. Our son, Cole, was stillborn on Father's Day, June 21, 1992. We went on to have three beautiful daughters. Bethany was born in November of 1993, Gracen in December of 1995, and Katie arrived in October of 1997. We noticed some developmental concerns when Gracen was about a year of age. Katie developed similar issues around her first birthday as well. Their physical issues were minor and the pediatrician was not concerned. But as Gracen and Katie grew, the physical issues became more pronounced, affecting both their fine and gross motor functions which impacted daily life and learning. Fifteen years and multiple and doctors and tests later, in the spring of 2012, we finally received a diagnosis. Gracen and Katie had been born with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy. ARSACS is a progressive neuromuscular disease. The prognosis was not pretty and we were devastated. I had so hoped a diagnosis would lead to a cure - a medication or treatment that would give the girls a normal life. During that fifteen year time span, Gracen also developed chronic daily migraine headaches. Life was challenging to say the least. The day after Christmas 2013, life got harder. As we returned home from celebrating Christmas with family, our van was involved in a three-vehicle collision. Bethany and Katie died that afternoon. My first blog post was written a few months later, in March of 2014. I've edited that post in order to correct minor details that I was unaware of when it was originally written and posted on Facebook. Otherwise, it remains as it was. My hope is that my posts will serve to validate the feelings of others who are struggling with difficult circumstances and trying to assimilate their feelings and beliefs, as they too, try to hold on, get through, and avoid bitterness. So welcome to our world. Join me as I continue to live life in the Refiner's fire. In and out I go as God allows the dross to rise and be swept away until He can see His reflection as He looks upon me. Please share your thoughts (speaking the truth in love) and let iron sharpen iron as we banter back and forth as we each struggle our way through this life until God calls us home. Janet

A Sad Commentary on the Judicial System

A Sad Commentary on the Judicial System

This is exactly how we felt regarding the prosecution of Troy Robins who killed our daughters:

“We didn’t want him (Aksamit) to go to jail for a long time,” Kent Sanders said. “But this punishment is meaningless and raises our biggest fear that something like this could happen again.” “Sanders (a son of the deceased couple) added that his family took no solace in being allowed to speak at the sentencing, which he described as “a completely meaningless and irrelevant exercise of emotion.”

“But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t powerful”, Donald Bradley, reporter for The Kansas City Star wrote. “Diane Packingham, who was in Richard Sanders’ Sunday school class, carried a Macy’s sack to the front of the courtroom, set it on the floor and pulled out a pair of boots and shoes.”

“These were the shoes they were wearing that day and now they’re empty,” Packingham said to Aksamit. “And now they’re empty because of you.

“I recommend that you fill them. You volunteer at the charity breakfasts in Freeman.”

Read the full article here: http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/crime/article18524930.html#storylink=cpy

It’s wrong when the judicial system slaps the hands of the unrepentant and fails to hold accountable those who have no respect for the authority of the law. The message it sends these offenders is that the law doesn’t apply to them and it further undermines the laws everyday citizens abide by and value while re-victimizing families who expect the perpetrators to be punished – seeking justice; not vengeance.

This is a shameful reflection of our judicial system because it puts law abiding citizens at risk while simultaneously reinforcing illegal behavior.

(Facebook Post 4/15/15)

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Courting Disaster

(Originally Published on Facebook 12/29/14)
FullSizeRender (8) PierceJ trobins

Images left to right: Judge John R. LePage, McDonald County Prosecutor Jonathan Pierce, and Troy Robins of Pineville, Missouri

Following Troy Robin’s not guilty plea on December 1st, I’ve agonized over whether or not to change the statement I’d prepared to read before the court. It represented my one and only chance to say, in this young man’s hearing, anything I wanted him to know. Ultimately I decided that I really don’t have anything to say to him personally. Not one word. There’s a verse in Proverbs I think, that says something along the lines of not wasting your words on those who will simply not receive them. Sorry I don’t have the reference, and my paraphrase is rather pitiful, but I think it applies to this situation. However, since I knew the judge had already read the first statement I wrote, which focus almost solely on sentencing considerations, decided I might as well take advantage of the opportunity to reinforce my case. So this morning – nothing like waiting until the last minute right? – I rewrote most of my statement. I simply felt as if we have nothing to lose.

Nothing about today’s court proceedings had anything to do with justice for Bethany and Katie. All that was left to fight for was the safety of the community in which Troy Robins resides. A Missouri State Highway Patrol Officer, a Pineville Marshal, the McDonald County Prosecutor, and the Crime Victim’s Advocate, all individuals with far more court knowledge and experience than we have, told us that the judge will not sentence anyone to jail time for a misdemeanor. The law enforcement officials blamed the overcrowded jail situation. So I thought I might as well quit tap dancing around that issue and frankly, albeit respectfully, address it. I seriously doubt anything I did or didn’t say today would have made any difference whatsoever.

The judge, John R. LePage, sentenced Troy Robins to a suspended six month jail term (meaning that he will not go to jail unless he fails to comply with the rest of the sentence) and a $500 fine plus court costs which I think amounted to about $60. He has a month to pay his fine. The judge stated the reason he was not sentencing the defendant to jail time was because the the other driver involved in the collision that day was speeding. In other words, the accident would not have happened had the other driver not been speeding.

Having turned that explanation over in my mind all afternoon, I find myself at a loss. Maybe I just don’t understand the law – no big surprise there. I thought the purpose before the court today was to sentence the defendant for his reckless driving, not to determine who was and wasn’t at fault for the collision. It was my understanding that fault had been determined before charges had ever been filed.

From my perspective, the second driver’s speed should have been just as irrelevant before the court as we were told our daughters’ deaths were. They were “just” tragic collateral damage completely extraneous to the reckless driving charge before the court. The fact that the second driver was speeding has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Troy Robins has been found guilty and fined for ten separate traffic and criminal offenses over the last 20 months. The second driver’s speed has nothing to do with the fact that three of those ten citations were for driving without a license – the third of which is a felony offense – for which he escaped punishment due to careless misspelling of his last name. The second driver’s speed has nothing to do with the fact that Troy Robins has four separate citations for drug related offenses, two of which were earned after the “accident” that killed my daughters. The second driver’s speed doesn’t in any way make Troy Robins record any less reflective of a total and complete lack of respect for the authority of the laws of McDonald County and the state of Missouri.

The point I was trying to communicate with my statement today was not just that Troy Robins was an unlicensed driver, but rather the fact that he was unlicensed and unrepentant about it which reflects a much bigger problem. It reflects a problem with authority. Particularly a problem submitting to the authority of the law that citizens within a community must respect if we are to avoid anarchy. We have laws to protect the rights of all citizens. When one person feels as if they don’t have to follow the same rules as everyone else, and when prosecutors and judges fail to punish that attitude and the resulting behavior and uphold the law, those prosecutors and judges undermine the law they swore to uphold and soon you have more and more people openly flaunting the fact that they don’t have to follow societies rules.

I have struggled mightily with the fact that God not only allowed Troy Robins to kill two of my daughters and critically injure the third, leaving her struggling to regain the mobility she enjoyed prior to the crash an entire year later, but also that He has allowed this individual to walk away without any real consequences, while we have been impacted spiritually, emotionally, and financially.

Yet today, is not really an emotionally devastating day for us. We came to terms with the disappointment today’s sentence represents over the course of the last nine to ten months as it became plain to us that the legal system would not provide justice for us.

I’ve always been confident that God would get justice for Bethany, Katie and Gracen even if the courts failed us. I simply stubbornly clung to the desire to see it play out in court. I may not be happy that David and I were denied that satisfaction and resignation may be the best word to describe how we feel about that, but I remain confident that God will not only get justice for my girls but will also hold accountable anyone who failed to do justly in a position that God Himself appointed them to here on earth.

So all I have to say in response to the judge’s sentence and explanation for it is, “Whatever . . .”, as in, Whatever allows you to sleep at night. . . Anyway, it’s over and done with and we can move on to the next hurdle.

As I said earlier, the fight David and I took on today was not about justice for our girls but about public safety. Therefore, in the interest of protecting the citizens of McDonald County, I want to pass on a little information that I uncovered regarding Missouri law. Feel free to verify it with your local Constable! If I understood the law correctly, an individual convicted of Careless & Imprudent Driving looses his driver’s license for a year. So, I assume that means Troy Robins can no longer legally drive with the driver’s permit he acquired in March of this year. My suggestion to the good people of McDonald County is to keep your eyes peeled and notify the highway patrol if you see him driving.

Sadly, it’s in your best interest not to contact your local Marshal (who are awesome and dedicated law enforcement officers) because Missouri passed a strangely flaky law a few years back that requires that all three driving without a license citations be issued by the state in order for them to constitute a felony charge. Two issued by the state and one issued by a municipality will result in yet another misdemeanor and a dangerous driver will remain free to get behind the wheel again and again and will pay no more than a $100 fine to the court ($80.50 to be exact). Maybe your local Marshal will be willing to call in a highway patrolman to issue the ticket in the interest of making your community safer! Best wishes to the citizens of McDonald County!

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Bridges’ Five Faces of Christian Pain

Bridges’ Five Faces of Christian Pain

(Originally published on Facebook 12/11/14)

I came across this link today largely by accident:
http://http://www.christianquotes.info/images/jerry-bridges-quote-5-faces-christian-pain/
It was part of those add on stories that follow something else you link to and read. Anyway, I think it is interesting and has merit and might help someone out there.

I do have to say that I have a concern about the way Bridges presents some examples in the section entitled “You Don’t Have to Become Your Pain”. He says, “Think of it this way. If you hammer a few nails in your life, you don’t automatically become a carpenter. Similarly, if you committed adultery, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are an adulterer.”

I think the point Jerry Bridges is trying to make is that when a Christian repents, meaning they turn away from their sin and remove that behavior from their lifestyle going forward, that sin is no longer an adjective that defines their life and character. God forgives and separates that sin from the sinner.

I point this out because I know there are Christians who will stop reading right there and miss some good stuff that follows. I particularly like this line: “The mark of a mature Christian is to be at peace with the exact form of the blessing that God has in store for you.” Ah, to be that mature . . . accepting your destiny is vastly different from embracing it, finding contentment in it, and making peace with it. I can only hope that the Holy Spirit will complete that work in my life – because it would be His work in my heart, not something I learned and worked to achieve on my own – that’s for sure!

Anyway, I hope this speaks to some hurting soul out there and blesses you on the midst of whatever pain you are currently struggling to deal with!

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Faith, Grief, Links

 

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I Don’t Have to Say Goodbye!

(Originally published on Facebook 12/5/14)

Love this song – it fills a spot in this grieving heart. This morning I happened to reread a journal entry I wrote July 10th. I was in a contemplative mood, I guess, because I wrote, “I get the impression that within the Christian community we believe the presence of peace equates to the absence of pain and sorrow. True peace, as I understand it, is the absence of fear – not the absence of pain, sorrow, anger, frustration, and a multitude of other emotions.” I can only think of one place in my Bible where God told someone not to mourn – Ezekiel 24: 15-27 – and as in everything else God does, there was a purpose. Ezekiel’s failure to grieve in the outward manner that was typical of the day, served as a powerful sign to the House of Israel. His unexpected, and obedient behavior ensured the prophecy God had given would be heard and remembered.

I thought I’d include the lyrics here. Words are important to me, Getting them right, matters. I think I’d change “I will shoulder the blame” to “I will shoulder the pain”, but then no one asked me!

I also added a few more comments after the lyrics – if you’ve managed to read this far, you might as well read those too!

Lyrics:

Sometimes your world just ends
It changes everything you’ve been
And all that’s left to be
Is empty, broken, lonely, hoping
I’m supposed to be strong
I’m supposed to find a way to carry on
And I don’t wanna feel better
And I don’t wanna not remember,
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye
They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying,
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you’re gone
And I don’t wanna feel better
I don’t wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye
I will curse, I will pray, I will re-live everyday
I will show through the blame
I’ll shout out your name
I will laugh, I will cry, shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say
Will not say goodbye
I will not say goodbye
I will not say…

It’s true, sometimes I don’t want to feel better – but, not all the time. It is also a comfort to know that I don’t have to say good-bye. As a believer in Christ, in spite of pain in the loss, I Do Not Grieve As One Without Hope! Therefore, See you soon is far more accurate than good-bye or as the ever bouncy Tigger of Winnie the Pooh fame (the first known individ . . . er, cartoon character, known to use “chat speak” in everyday conversation) was known to say, TTFN – Ta ta for now!

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Faith, Grief, Links

 

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Inquest Results

(Originally Published on Facebook 10/23/14)
trobins2 The jury at the Coroner’s Inquest today recommended that the McDonald Country Prosecutor file a Careless & Impudent Driving charge against Troy Robins, the driver who hit our van. A speeding ticket will be issued to Roger Wilson, the driver who struck the vehicle Robins’ was driving. The Prosecutor, Jonathan Pierce, is not inclined to issue a ticket to Troy’s father, David Robins, for allowing an unlicensed driver to use his vehicle. Since Troy Robins has been ticketed three times for driving without a license, I can’t imagine either one of his parents are not culpable for both their son’s actions and the consequences of those actions. Suffice it to say, the Prosecutor and I do not see eye to eye on this issue.

It is possible that Troy Robins will plead guilty at his arraignment in order to avoid trial. The arraignment should be scheduled within a weeks time.

Although the judge could sentence Troy Robins to a year of jail time and/or a $1000 fine, we have been assured that will not happen as the jails are over-crowded. In some cases the fine is suspended in exchange for public speaking engagements to teens regarding safe driving.

David, Gracen and I appreciate your prayers on our behalf, the notes of encouragement, phone calls and expressions of love more than I could ever adequately express with mere words. A simple “thank you” will have to suffice, although it is far from adequate.

The Cast of Characters:

McDonald County Coroner – BJ Goodwin
Coroner

McDonald County Prosecuting Attorney – Jonathan Pierce
PierceJ

The Accussed – Troy Chance Robins of Pineville, Missouri
trobins

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Look Up!

Look Up!

(Originially posted to Facebook 9/20/14)

“My hope is that instead of searching for ‘God’s will for my life’ each of us would learn to seek hard after ‘the Spirit’s leading in my life today.’ May we learn to pray for an open and willing heart, to surrender to the Spirit’s leading with that friend, child, spouse, circumstance, or decision in our lives right now.” – Francis Chan

There’s a big difference between ‘searching for God’s will in your life’ and ‘striving to walk led by the spirit’. The first implies that we will one day stumble upon this mystery God has previously veiled from our eyes and it will be smooth sailing thereafter. The second seems much more consistent with the entirety of scripture. In visual form it’s the kneeling Psalmist “looking up” every morning for manna from heaven – or the image of a vine awaiting the ministrations of the vine dresser.

Make no mistake, laying down your will for Christ’s superior plan is no easy feat. The surrender of the will is nothing short of a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer and the peace that passes all understanding seems to follow fast on its heels. That kind of peace, well, it’s definitely a pearl of great price.

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Faith

 

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Rest Ministries – Needing & Accepting Help

restministries

http://restministries.com/2014/08/difficult-need-accept-help/

Needing help is definitely humbling and yet it’s greatest blessing is the opening of spiritual eyes to see the nail scarred hands that prompted those around you to meet needs, and extend kindness and comfort that reaches far beyond the gift offered or act of service rendered. Brings to mind Psalm 8:4, “What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?” Beyond all human comprehension somehow His response has been a sincere and quiet, “Mine. The apple of My eye.”

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Chronic Illness, Faith, Grief, Links

 

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Triumph Over Adversity

(Facebook Post 5/23/15)

With heartfelt thanks to Grant Johnson of Blue Horizon Productions – a clear look at what I like to refer to as “Gracen’s Moment of Triumph Over Adversity.”

https://vimeo.com/128670958

 

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Johnny Shelton – America’s Got Talent

(Facebook Post 5/28/15)

An awesome performance by a grieving father/songwriter. I watched with baited breath just hoping the song was as awesome as his love for his son – and it was – it definitely was!!!

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Grief, Links, Music

 

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Father’s Day

(Facebook Post 6/21/15)

For David on yet another Father’s Day filled with joy and longing. You are an awesome Dad! Happy Birthday to Cole who has never been and will never be forgotten – you are loved and missed. We are looking forward with great anticipation to the day the Lord and your sisters will introduce us to our son. And for the many fathers out there who experience the repeated and painful losses of anticipated moments of fatherhood – who often stand on the sidelines celebrating lost moments with joy, a touch of sorrow and a surprising lack of bitterness as friends, family and strangers enjoy them firsthand. You are all a unique kind of brave.

http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/06/losses-fathers-day/

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2015 in Grief, Links

 

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