(Facebook Post 9/6/15)
I recently met this beautiful Mother. She’s a gifted writer and this piece is breathtakingly poignant. Take a moment to read it (by clicking the link in red below), or watch the youtube video of the author reading this piece; you’ll be glad you did!
http://http://iamnotmyskin.blogspot.com/2015/07/sunrise.html
A friend recently shared this absolutely beautiful song with me. It certainly communicates well what I know is true in my heart: that one day we will rejoice because we know God’s plan will bear eternal fruit for His glory. Yet these days, while so thankful for the numerous ways God has blessed us following our accident, we can’t honestly claim to appreciate and embrace God’s plan in the here and now. One day; but NOT right now . . .
The power of validation and affirmation. We all know there are no perfect Christians – it’s inherent in our theology – so why do we try to wear masks of perfection?
The New York Times printed a story about Stillbirth on Father’s Day this year. I saw the article on Facebook and responded, as did a great number of others, when they asked what advice you’d give to a family devastated by stillbirth. The Times published a compilation of reader responses on July 28th. This is a link (in red below) to that publication. Reading it may equip you to support and encourage someone you love one day.
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/health/stillbirth-reader-stories.html?_r=0
(Facebook Post 7/5/15)
This is an interesting article (follow the link in red below) that I think everyone who grieves the loss of a close loved one can relate to:
http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/07/the-judgement-in-grief/
My comments related to the article:
I fear the judgment of others. I fear that if I struggle with any aspect of my relationship with Christ or my faith or if I am unable to turn every negative into a positive in the midst of my grief, that others will criticize me. And believe me, I have issues of faith I need to work through. It is what it is. I’m not a Kool-aid drinker, I’m a contender.
I fear others think I should be “over it” by now, moving forward, making plans for the future. That others have lost patience with my sorrow. That others believe that if I were really trusting God I would not fear the progression of Gracen’s disease or for her physical safety as she moves into the dorms this coming August.
I fear people believe I am seeking attention from my posts instead of the validation of feelings, the affirmation, I crave because I am weak and vulnerable and I need encouragement.
I fear isolation and yet I withdraw when I feel vulnerable. Church, unfortunately, is the place I feel most vulnerable. I fear disappointing fellow Christians. I fear there is an expectation for a fabulous testimony I can share now, some new ministry that rises from the ashes of my losses, or some vast wisdom to share when a year and a half down the road I’m still putting one foot in front of the other, still stunned by the ways in which life has changed.
Sometimes I do feel judged but I also realize that my perception has been blurred by the filter of grief and I know that a comment or a look that I perceive as criticism may be something else entirely.
My counselor tells me that some of the judgment I feel coming from others is likely self-condemnation. She says there is a duality at play in my mind. A part of me that is comfortable with my feelings and my methods of confronting them in light of God’s Word, but also another part of me that knows scripture and has high expectations for the perfect Christian response or maybe expects my emotions to be blunted by my faith. A battle between the heart and the mind if you will. There are definitely concepts my mind fully comprehends but my heart screams in defiance against.
I fear judgment and criticism real or perceived. I’m no super-saint and I fear I cannot handle either defending myself from criticism or even taking on a self-improvement program if I feel the criticism is merited. I’m just a broken woman striving to be what my remaining family needs and hold it together until the Holy Spirit heals the brokenness inside.
JULY 1, 2015 BY NATHALIE HIMMELRICH
http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/07/letter-friend-grieving-mother/
This article (Click on link in red above) is well worth the read for those who wish to understand the heart and mind of a grieving mother. It is definitely a struggle to merge the pre-loss woman I was with the post-loss woman I am and will always be, in spite of the fact that I’ve been down this road before.
I could have written most of this article myself. The one unmentioned battle is that of your faith and your reality. I fear my last post offended some of my Christian friends – the “choose joy” comment and “it’s ok, God’s in control” reference in particular.
I want people to understand there is a difference between joy and happiness and that the Bible tells me there is a season for everything, even grief. I’m not choosing to be unhappy, I am, however, grieving and that process may take longer than even I would like it to. And I too fully believe that God is in control but during this time of grieving it’s not particularly comforting because He was and always has been in control even when my son died within my womb and my daughters died at the side of the road and when two of my children were diagnosed with a progressive neuromuscular disease. None of those things have been or will ever be OK with me in this present world even if they are OK from an eternal perspective.
I am by far my own worst critic expecting some supernatural ability to cope with my changing reality as the perfect Christian would but I am also far more human than holy so forgive me if in my grief I have disappointed or hurt anyone as I struggle my way through all of this.
At this point in time I relate far better to Job’s lamenting his very birth than I do to the proverbs 31 woman who has no fear of the future and while I make recognize that I can count it all joy during this struggle because of the rewards that will later spring forth, I’m too tired to make the effort right now.
(Facebook Post 7/1/15)
I’m not always a riser, but that’s who I want to be for Gracen and David and I’m glad God is the ultimate Riser for me.
Check out these lyrics – not sure they are completely correct (picked them up off the internet and added my own corrections) so forgive me if I messed them up. I think they are pretty close anyway and don’t they reflect what we all aspire to be for those we love in their darkest hours? Beautiful song!
****************************************
Dierks Bentley – Riser
Lay your pretty head down on my shoulder
You don’t have to worry anymore
This old world is cold and getting colder
And I know how to lock and bolt the door
I’m strong enough to hold you through the winter
Mean enough to stare your demons down
The hard times put the shine into the diamond
I won’t let that keep us in the ground
I’m a riser
I’m a get up off the ground, don’t run and hider
Pushin’ comes to shovin’
Hey I’m a fighter
When darkness comes to town, I’m a lighter
A get out aliver, out of the fire
Survivor
If you we ain’t got no money I can make it
I ain’t afraid of working to the bone
When I don’t know what I’m doin’ and I can’t fake it
I’ll pray till Jesus rolls away the stone
And I’m a riser
I’m a get up off the ground, don’t run and hider
Pushin’ comes to shovin’
Hey I’m a fighter
When darkness comes to town, I’m a lighter
A get out aliver, of the fire, survivor
I’m a trier
I’m a get down low so I can lift you higher
An army couldn’t keep down my desire
Yeah
I’m a riser
I’m a get up off the ground, don’t run and hider
Hey pushin’ comes to shovin’
Baby I’m a fighter
When darkness comes to town, I’m a lighter
A get out aliver, of the fire, survivor
I’m a riser
I’m a riser
I’m a riser
I came across Andrea Crouch completely by accident way back in the 1990’s. I signed up for one one of those “Get 10 free CDs” music memberships and selected his “My Tribute” album where many of his songs were sung by famous contemporary Christian artists of the day. I had no idea that he was known for singing at Billy Graham Crusades, I simply fell in love with his songs – especially this one sung by Wayne Watson. Give it a listen! (Lyrics can be found below the youtube link).
Through It ALL – Andrea Crouch
I’ve had many tears and sorrows,
I’ve had questions for tomorrow,
There’ve been times I didn’t know right from wrong:
But in every situation God gave blessed consolation
That my trials come to only make me strong.
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God;
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.
I’ve been to lots of places,
And I’ve seen a lot of facGoes,
There’ve been times I felt so all alone;
But in my lonely hours,
Yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus let me know that I was His own.
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God;
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.
I thank God for the mountains,
And I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms
He brought me through;
For if I’d never had a problem
I wouldn’t know that He could solve them,
I’d never know what faith in God could do.
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God;
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.
(Posted on Facebook 2/21/15)
David, Gracen and I watched Ragamuffin, the Rich Mullins movie on Netflix last night. For those who aren’t familiar with Rich Mullins, he was a contemporary Christian music artist popular on the 80’s and 90’s. He was probably best known for his hit “Awesome God” and I learned tonight that he wrote “Doubly Good” which was performed by Amy Grant and just happens to be one of the songs David and I chose for our own wedding.
The Rich Mullins movie is not an easy movie to watch as it is a story of a man desperately seeking his place in this world. His life story is a struggle with brokenness while striving to live an authentic Christian life. The music and lyrics Rich Mullins is best known for – music that has greatly glorified God – arose from the most difficult and painful experiences and choices in this artist’s life. Ugly moments lead to profound comments about the church, faith, the gospel and God’s love for people. I found it to be a beautiful and moving portrayal of how God reveals spiritual truths to a believer while bringing glory to His name in the midst of their brokenness.
But don’t take my word for it. Here’s a quote I found on the net about Rich Mullins that deeply resonated with me: “Rich Mullins is one of the most interesting people I’ve ever known. Interesting because he was honest — not perfect. He made you feel like Jesus was part of the band, telling stories around the fire, laughing with you at the bar. He made you feel like you could own your darkness and be honest with your doubts. He knew that inside each of us there is a sinner and a saint at war, and on good days the saint prevails, and on bad days –Jesus loves sinners. He was as winsome as a kid and as wise as a chief. This film captures the life of one of the most important people in the history of modern evangelicalism, a ragamuffin that our children and our grandchildren need to know about.” – Shane Claiborne, author and founder of The Simple Way.
(Originally published on Facebook 12/11/14)
I came across this link today largely by accident:
http://http://www.christianquotes.info/images/jerry-bridges-quote-5-faces-christian-pain/
It was part of those add on stories that follow something else you link to and read. Anyway, I think it is interesting and has merit and might help someone out there.
I do have to say that I have a concern about the way Bridges presents some examples in the section entitled “You Don’t Have to Become Your Pain”. He says, “Think of it this way. If you hammer a few nails in your life, you don’t automatically become a carpenter. Similarly, if you committed adultery, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are an adulterer.”
I think the point Jerry Bridges is trying to make is that when a Christian repents, meaning they turn away from their sin and remove that behavior from their lifestyle going forward, that sin is no longer an adjective that defines their life and character. God forgives and separates that sin from the sinner.
I point this out because I know there are Christians who will stop reading right there and miss some good stuff that follows. I particularly like this line: “The mark of a mature Christian is to be at peace with the exact form of the blessing that God has in store for you.” Ah, to be that mature . . . accepting your destiny is vastly different from embracing it, finding contentment in it, and making peace with it. I can only hope that the Holy Spirit will complete that work in my life – because it would be His work in my heart, not something I learned and worked to achieve on my own – that’s for sure!
Anyway, I hope this speaks to some hurting soul out there and blesses you on the midst of whatever pain you are currently struggling to deal with!
Boxx Banter 