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When You Come Undone and Can’t Pull Yourself Together

I copied this article from incourage.me/blog instead of simply inserting a link to the site. It seems readers are less inclined to click on a link once they arrive at my home page and I really want people to read this article by Angela Nazworth. I love how she unfolded Hannah’s story. So, no link to follow today, just scroll down!


I have been pregnant three times. I have given birth twice.

Fragmented memories remain of the day I lost my first baby — the child whose heart thumped in my womb for only eight short weeks. I remember the horror I felt when I discovered the first scarlet spots alerting me that my baby was gone. I remember the weight of my husband’s hand resting heavy on my shoulder when my doctor confirmed our fears and tried to comfort us with statistics. I remember the coldness that swept through my chest when the nurse who assisted with the examination gave me a stern warning as I shakily made my way toward the exit.

“Now I know you’ve heard some unsettling news, but you need to pull yourself together,” she cautioned as I brushed tears off my cheeks and neck. “You’re young. You’ll get pregnant again in no time. There are women in that waiting room who are pregnant now, and they don’t need to be upset. So just get a hold of your emotions before you go out there.”

Then, with a pat on my back, she scurried away leaving me shamed by my grief.

My legs trembled as if I was walking a tight rope without a safety net. Through blurred vision, I forced a stoic expression, entwined my shaking fingers with those belonging to my husband and walked out of the building. With each step, one thought bounced around my mind.

Pull yourself together.

I’ve heard those words numerous times throughout my life in various situations. Sometimes they were spoken by well-meaning individuals. Other times, I whispered the phrase to myself.

A graveside vigil. Pull yourself together.

Job loss. Pull yourself together.

A loved one’s betrayal. Pull yourself together.

Saying goodbye to dear friends. Pull yourself together.

Overwhelmed by an infant’s colicky cries or a toddler’s 40-minute tantrum. Pull yourself together.

I’m sure that everyone who reads this post can add to the list above.

The expectation of pulling yourself together after life twists you undone is misguided.

Need biblical assurance that I’m sharing truth? Turn to the story of Hannah. Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel is a beautiful example from Scripture of a woman who mourned honestly before the Lord. Hannah didn’t pull herself together. You can read her story in the first chapter of 1 Samuel, but here is an excerpt from 1 Samuel 1:10-16:

“In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, ‘Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.’

As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, ‘How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.’

‘Not so, my lord,’ Hannah replied, ‘I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.’”

At that wall, Hannah unraveled the twisted, messy knots of her grieving heart before God. Passersby probably shook their heads. Eli mistook her agony for drunkenness. Hannah’s core was shaken. Her heart was broken. Her hope was nearly threadbare.

She wasn’t able to “pull herself together,” but she knew where to turn as her emotions were shred to bits.

The fiery pain of a personal loss is immeasurable. And each person’s threshold for heartache is different. There are times when we cannot keep going on our own. And God doesn’t expect us to pull it together and shine with glee when we’re busted up.

In the moments when torment throbs deep, God doesn’t bark “stiffen that upper lip, girl.” He instead whispers, “Come to Me dear one, come to Me.” He invites us to crumple into the comforting arms of Christ to pray or scream or to beg with abandon until we heal.

“For He has not despised or detested the torment of the afflicted. He did not hide His face from him, but listened when he cried to Him for help.” {Psalm 22:24}

 
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Posted by on October 4, 2016 in Faith, Grief, Links

 

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A Mourner’s Thoughts On Sickness, Sorrow, Pain And Death – Scott Sauls

Scott Sauls, Pastor of Christ Presbyterian Church in Nashville, a man well acquainted with ministering to the sick, sorrowful, those in pain and those grieving or living in anticipation of death, opens God’s Word and reveals important scriptural truths about suffering. This post has the power to equip the Saints as well as offering much needed validation to the suffering. Click on the link in red below to read Pastor Sauls’ article.

” Let all who have ears give heed to what the Spirit is saying to the Churches.” ~ Revelation 3:22 (Weymouth New Testament)

Source: A Mourner’s Thoughts On Sickness, Sorrow, Pain And Death – Scott Sauls

 
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Posted by on September 17, 2016 in Adversity, Faith, Grief, Links

 

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Stay

Jesus was a storyteller. He used everyday examples He knew His audience could relate to in order to teach biblical principles. He understood the power of a good analogy.

This blog post paints a vivid word picture describing a thought provoking truth regarding a Christian’s struggle to wait upon the Lord. Frankly, it was a valuable, yet painful read for me, in this season of my life. But I believe Adrien Rogers got it right when he said,

“It is better to speak the truth that hurts and then heals, than falsehood that comforts and then kills.”

Follow the link below by clicking on the word “Stay” highlighted in red to read the article from blogsite “Patchwork Scraps of Life”. I added the scriptures below the link regarding waiting upon the Lord  for your review.

The command was clear and firm… and it appeared to be just about killing her…

Source: Stay

Psalms 130:5-6 “I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”

Psalms 27:13-14 “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!”

Isaiah 30:18 “Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:25 “The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”

Micah 7:7 “But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.”

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2016 in Adversity, Faith, Links, Uncategorized

 

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The Wrecking Ball of Grace

The Wrecking Ball of Grace

I hope one day, I will be able to minister grace to those I’ve hurt as I’ve licked my own wounds. I know it’s true that hurting people hurt others. I take no pleasure in the wounds I’ve inflicted in the search for understanding and validation as the waves of grief have flowed over me.

(Clink on the link highlighted in red below to read the article in its entirety.)  

thelifeididntchoose

In the aftermath of loss, relationships suffer.

Sometimes it’s because of harsh words exchanged in the heat of emotional moments.

Sometimes it’s due to disagreements about how to deal with ongoing issues.  Often, it’s because most people just don’t know what to say and don’t know what to do in the presence of great pain and suffering.

Days and weeks and months pass and one day we wake up and realize that a previously close relationship is now distant and strained.

I know that in my grief I have felt abandoned by people I felt sure would stand with me, would never leave me, would be my most stalwart encouragers.

And I know, too, that I have shut some people out.  Some were too chipper or too quick to offer platitudes and others just seemed intolerant of my ongoing pain and sorrow.

Walls have been erected.

My heart sectioned off…

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Posted by on July 16, 2016 in Faith, Grief, Links

 

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My Mother is Gone, But Her Edits Remain | Literary Hub

It’s been a great number of years since my paternal grandmother passed away.  I was still in high school at the time.  A few short years after that, I was visiting my grandfather’s home and there on a small coffee table sat my grandmother’s Bible.  I remember opening it up and noting the great number of verses she had underlined within.

Even in my late teens I recognized the value of that Bible. Not monetary value, mind you, but personal value. My Grandmother loved the Lord Jesus Christ. Her Bible, the notations she made and the things she underlined were a clear reflection of her heart. They denoted spiritual lessons learned. They clearly indicated what she found important. They defined her. They defined her far more than the material treasures she had acquired over her lifetime.

I had hoped that one day that Bible would be mine. That maybe, I could learn from the lessons she learned. My own Bible is filled with my notations and copious amounts of underlined verses. I hope, one day, my Bible will be deemed a valuable treasure by someone else. Someone who maybe needs to hang on to the very essence of who I was at my very core. And I hope they will come to a deep understanding and love for the Father who created me as a result. That’s a worthwhile legacy.

I hope you enjoy this article written by Blair Hurley.

It’s been three years now since my mother’s death, and I’m still wondering why I haven’t spoken with her in so long. There’s a feeling of unreality about the whole thing; it’s hard to believe that …

(Clink on the link highlighted in red below to read the complete article.)  

Source: My Mother is Gone, But Her Edits Remain | Literary Hub

 
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Posted by on July 12, 2016 in Grief, Links

 

Michaela Evanow  – An Honest Look at Prayer and Faith After Child Loss

I cannot pray. I don’t know how. It’s not that I don’t want to, but words fail me. They come out muffled and fake. They are stale and regurgitated from the days of my youth. I want to remember how …

(Clink on the link highlighted in red below to read the complete article.)  

Source: an honest look at prayer and faith after child loss.

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2016 in Faith, Grief, Links

 

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What If?

A godly grieving father’s perspective. . . Meet Ron Duncan.

My husband wrote this earlier this last night. He said, “I’m not there yet, but I am walking towards this.”  God is working in our lives to conform us to the image of Christ.…

(Clink on the link highlighted in red below to read the full article.)  

Source: What If?

 
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Posted by on June 28, 2016 in Faith, Grief, Links

 

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