This morning I opened the Facebook app on my iPad and started scrolling through my news feed. A post from a grief site caught my attention so I ducked over to the loss of a child FB page and started scrolling. . .
And my heart broke all over again.
As I scrolled through the posts I read such raw anguish. . .
I heard my own thoughts echo back through the words of others.
Despair.
Discouragement.
Defeat.
How did this happen?
How could this have happened?
Why did this happen?
Who am I now?
What am I doing?
Why can’t I get it together?
How do I go on? . . . Do I even want to?
I’m so angry!
I feel numb. . . detached . . . lonely.
I have no friends left.
If I’m not happy others don’t want to be around me.
And so it goes. . . so many pain filled thoughts and feelings.
And I’ve put my emotional armor on.
I read these things and give a knowing intellectual nod to each one . . .
But I refuse to draw any closer.
I refuse to engage my emotions.
I can’t shoulder their pain along with my own.
Today,
I have nothing to give.
My arms are so weighted that I cannot reach back for the one who so desperately needs a hand to hold.
I’m still broken.
And yet,
I feel guilty and ashamed that I can’t formulate words of hope, support and encouragement for another hurting parent.
Not today.
The words just won’t come.
Maybe tomorrow. . .
But what of all those hurting souls that need a word today?
I am so thankful for the many bereaved parents who step up and in on the days I can’t. Those who are there for me and others with understanding, encouragement and sometimes righteous indignation.
I’d never wish another parent into the child loss community, but I am so very thankful that I’m not alone.
And on the days when I am weak – when the well is dry, others are stronger and extend the hand of courage to the weak and the wounded.
I need the Holy Spirit to fill me before I can be poured out once again for another.
We need each other.
How we need each other!
Boxx Banter 
joanmariewriting41457
May 2, 2017 at 6:00 am
♥️ Loving hugs and prayers with every breath
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Hopeful
May 2, 2017 at 8:09 am
The club no one wants to belong to is incredibly bonding, perhaps because we “get it” and none of wanted to join, we cling to each other & our Lord.
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bereavedparentsblogJude
May 2, 2017 at 4:11 pm
Definitely describes what I have been feeling of late. Haven’t even been able to write. Sooo very drained by all the pain. (((HUGS)))
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Bob Cancelliere
May 2, 2017 at 5:51 pm
I lost a daughter when she was 14 years old. I took comfort in knowing that she was in a better place, with her Maker. The sadness I was feeling was for my loss and her memory is with me always.
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taeballerina
May 2, 2017 at 9:18 pm
Janet thank you for sharing your journey. I really appreciate your emotions and your thoughts…it helps me to have more compassion and understanding of a journey I pray i dont have to travel.
I don’t have the right words but I continue to pray for you, David and Graven. I am grateful that the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf with groanings.
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Janet Boxx
May 3, 2017 at 5:36 pm
Thank you for your prayers for my family. I am humbled by those who invest their hearts and time in us and our needs. And thank you also for cultivating a teachable spirit so that you can more effectively minister compassion and understanding to others. I can’t tell you how it impacts a bereaved parent when they encounter someone who validates their feelings and affirms their efforts to heal even when that means wrestling with their faith. It’s an incredible gift and I appreciate your caring heart!
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ianspirationblog
May 21, 2017 at 6:20 pm
Gosh, this rings true for me. The ebb and flow of grief dictates my ability to reach out to others. I pray I can help others the way I’ve been helped by so many in our unfortunate community through encouraging words. Thank you for this post.
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