Today I’m sharing another post from The Life I Didn’t Choose. It’s just too good not to share, and really, this blog site may have my name on it, but what I’m most interested in is the intersection of faith and real life. Heaven knows I don’t have life all figured out and I have so much respect and appreciation for fellow Christians who wrestle with their faith when they just don’t understand. They could turn their backs and walk away deeply wounded, but instead they choose to grapple with doubts and re-evaluate previously understood scripture trying to figure out if they got it wrong the first time around or if just maybe that scripture has a much fuller meaning than they realized in the past. Thank God Melanie is not afraid to question and wrestle with her faith!
I had never heard the final chapter of Horatio Spafford’s story. But you know what, I’m thankful, not for Spafford’s state of mind at his death, that saddens me, but to hear he struggled AFTER writing the triumphant hymn, “It is Well With My Soul”. If that sounds unkind, it’s not meant to be. Spafford’s struggle just makes me feel better about my own.
The truth is, I have personally found that in the immediate aftermath of my own tragedies, I am solid and strong in my faith. But down the road, down the road is another story all together. That’s why, not long after Bethany and Katie died, I posted on Facebook that I want to find Psalm 57:7a, “My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast!”, to be true of me – because I was not confident that my heart would remain steadfast. As 2 Thessalonians 2:13b – 17 says, “. . . God has chosen you from the beginning for salvation through sanctification by the Spirit and faith in the truth. It was for this He called you through our gospel, that you may gain the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brethren, stand firm and hold [fast] to the traditions which you were taught, whether by word of mouth or by letter from us. Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and word.”
Living day to day with the fallout left behind, my faith can falter. Questions arise and I struggle to find answers, and sometimes, there are no satisfactory answers. Sometimes I have to find a way to make peace with a lack of answers or to make peace with the unacceptable consequences I am forced to with. There is just no easy way to get to that point. Intellectually, I understand God’s ways are not mine. In my heart, I believe God has a good plan. But in spite of those beliefs, I can’t seem to merge the beliefs of my heart and mind together. It’s like finding two puzzle pieces that fit together, knowing they fit together, but for whatever reason being unable to actually fit them neatly together.
My Dad likes to work puzzles. I like to work them on occasion myself. Sometimes when the manufacturer cuts the puzzle, the cut isn’t clean. When the box is first opened and the pieces spilled out you may find several pieces that are stuck together because the cut didn’t completely separate the pieces. So you tear them apart and start to work. But sometimes when you try to put the pieces together they don’t snap in place and lay flat. Instead they buckle up. Those puzzle pieces are a pretty good analogy for the way my heart and mind seem to work. In keeping with that analogy I believe that the Holy Spirit has to come along and sand off or smooth out those rough edges, so to speak, which allows the puzzle pieces (my heart and mind) to fit the way they are intended. I have settled in my heart that the Holy Spirit works to help me merge the beliefs of my heart and mind revealing a cohesive spiritual truth; the end of which results in spiritual maturity.
So while watching a fellow believer struggle, while struggling myself, is unpleasant (what an inadequate word!), I am resigned to the process. I don’t like it! I don’t like it at all! But I’m thankful for those who have wrestled and gained the prize, peace that passes all understanding.
And why is Melanie’s post relevant to Christians who have not lost a child? Let me use Melanie’s own words (with one slight modification) to explain: “Because the support (or lack of support) ALL BELIEVERS (substituted for bereaved parents) receive from their fellow Christians can make all the difference between losing sight of Jesus and finishing well, with our eyes fixed on the “Author and Perfector of our faith.” Read her post by clicking on “view original post” in red below; it’s much shorter than my introduction! 🙂